The Republican National Convention kicked off in a number of crowd-free locations on Monday night, and once everyone’s ears stopped ringing from Kimberly Guilfoyle’s delivery, Stephen Colbert had some jokes about it.
He began by pointing out incredulously that the GOP didn’t compile and release an actual policy platform document this year, as is usual at convention time. Instead, they simply resolved to support Trump’s agenda.
“That’s not a political party,” Colbert said bluntly. “That’s a cult.”
While there were some mockable moments in the addresses by Reps. Matt Gaetz and Jim Jordan, Colbert really laid it on thick for Guilfoyle, a former TV host, current White House advisor, and girlfriend of Donald Trump Jr.
“This is the first time in my life I’ve had to turn down the volume on CSPAN,” Colbert quipped, glancing at his wife, who was sitting just off-camera. “God, I’m glad we already had our kids because I think I was too close to the TV. I might have been sterilized by that.”
Don Jr. didn’t do much to turn down the intensity, either.
“Before I tell you what he said, can we zoom in on Junior’s sweaty face and wet bloodshot eyes?” asked Colbert. “Either he’s high, or that’s what happens when you live in the splash zone of Screamin’ Guilfoyle.”
The night peaked, sort of, when the show somehow wrapped up a full five minutes early, forcing the broadcast team to bring up random footage of the White House while they ran down the clock on the convention’s TV timeslot.
“All I can say is that when it comes to Donald Trump,” Colbert concluded, “I hope getting out early is a trend that continues in November.”